9 Headed Mutant Reptiles

well i'm still here at my temp job and oddly enough i've already said "well i'm still here" and it has only been 1.5 days. i still have the rest of today, wednesday, thursday and friday. holy crap. yesterday was a bit novel, i felt as though i was "playing office" or something. i have the ghey headset on, i'm sitting at a desk helping people and i get to surf the internet and email all day. well today it ain't so sweet. yesterday i had little visions of having a corporate ken doll and feeding him coffee at certain times throughout the day and maybe fashioning an old 80's style cell phone out of paper....thus i would continue to "play office." today though, i'm just damn bored. and nobody else i know has this type of time to sit and email so i sit feverishly watching the little gmail inbox thing to notify me of new correspondence.

two fun things i've been doing are staring out the window...and walking to the riverfront to eat lunch. no, i'm not a hobo it's a nice little park. so in my little river lunchtime reveries today i took my glances away from the chicago tribune building and looked down at the water. if you've ever been to chicago and you've ever seen the river i'm REAL sorry. it is most likely the absolute nastiest body of water i've ever taken note of. while watching it for about 5 minutes i saw the following things float by;

a used condom (well at least bums are porking safely)
a dead bloated rat which i pretended was really a very ripe pomegrante
enough branches to make up a gi-normous tree
newspapers
and an architectural boat tour

i then came to the conclusion that i should never jump into that river. ever. not that i would but i was thinking "what if someone was chasing me and the only way to get away would be to jump in the river?" nope, wouldn't do it. then i thought "what if i was on fire?" think think think. nope, i'd prefer to stop, drop, and roll...i figured if i jumped in the river it may make it worse. considering the dave matthews band recently took care of a little problem their bus was having. this problem, as uncle eddy from National Lampoons Christmas Vacation would say, was that "the shitter was full." thanks dave, thanks. i hope you "crash" into somebody who got covered with celebrity poop while your bus driver dumped it on a tour boat going down the river. you straight up nasty twin.

i think the culmination of all the garbage, dead rats, tree limbs, used condoms and celebrity poo may just be the right chemical combination to birth a 9 headed rat that eats cars and can talk like Splinter from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles only his vocabulary would be limited to a few select words such as; moustache, nachos, fur, transmission, toothpaste and dog balls.

sweet.