Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

i declare 27 to be awesome

this past weekend was my birthday. that's right, the big two-seven. i'm kind of let down by the number 27 (not my birthday party, that was sweet). nothing really happens when you're 27. i was having this conversation with a friend of mine on saturday (my REAL birthday) who i hadn't spoken with in ten years. yes, he was a friend from high school and i was telling him how i was going to celebrate the anniversary of me being alive and he felt guilty about forgetting.

my first inclination was, "dood i haven't talked to you in TEN FUCKING YEARS i certainly don't think you're that bored with life to remember my birthday" and assured him that if i were to go on a game show and billions of dollars were at stake if i could remember his birthday that i would go home po.

and then another thought dawned on me, i was 27....it's nothing to brag about really. it's not like it's your 18th (where you can vote, go to strip clubs, go to casinos in minnesota, buy cigarettes and lottery tickets and various other socially deviant things) or your 21st (need i elaborate) or even your 25th which i got stoked about b/c my car insurance went down and for a girl who'd been in eight or nine accidents all rather minor but enough to jack the rates up past a nerds waistline it was something to celebrate.

and no, i didn't stop driving.

so all day saturday i sat and tried to think of what to do to make 27 super special. there were no legal things that i could think of now being able to do, there are no religious things out there that i can bask in (but again, i'm only really familiar with like 2 or 3 religions...maybe the buddhists can party uber hard on their 27th?) so in all this i decided that 27 was super fucking sweet because it's 27. there's no REAL reason for it to be rad but i now declare 27 to be the best age on the face of the planet. in the 27th year people will get rich, eat well, have a great wardrobe, a very mild winter, a great vacation to somewhere far away and if you're REALLY good then santa will bring you a secret benefactor for christmas.

i'm not going to even kill one bug before christmas so that the fat man will bring me a benefactor. i REALLY want a benefactor. he doesn't have to be some ubiquitous old man with a dusty suit and a bag with a big dollar sign on it either. i'll take bill gates, oprah, some secret billionaire in france or istanbul. i don't discriminate. i love all secret benefactors.

and people too, you hear that santa....i love EVERYONE! except janice dickinson, she's just retchid.

Monday, August 08, 2005

did i just book myself a one-way ticket on the crazy train?

as i sit in the last final hours of my time spent in the dungeon (and it's been a helluva long ride) i'm staring down my very last all nighter. HOORAY FOR DIET CHERRY COKE!

but, in the midst of the celebratory insanity i think i've gotten one of the WORST possible songs stuck in my head for no apparent reason.

what am i constantly singing to myself over and over you ask? "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" by Eric Cartman. WTF?!

"Well, Kyle's mom's a bitch, She's a big fat bitch
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world..
She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
She's a Bitch to all the Boys and Girls!
On Monday, she's a bitch, on Tuesday, she's a bitch
On Wednesdays through Saturday, she's a bitch..
Then on Sundays, just to be different
She's a Super King Kamehameha.. Biatch!"


Thursday, August 04, 2005

maybe i'm a snob?

but i think i would literally kill myself if i had to work at a "lite radio" station and listen to hootie and the blowfish, dave matthews band, celine dion, barenaked ladies and various other totally fucking AWFUL bands.

i mean, the songs they play on "lite radio" are so bad they don't even put them on the soundtracks to lame romantic comedies with either meg ryan/tom hanks or john cusak/some chick.

the one redeeming thing i will say about "lite radio" is that occasionally they'll play gems like "la isla bonita" by madonna or some bangin' stevie wonder songs.

that's what lite stations should be...madonna and stevie wonder and maybe throw in a little moody blues for the nostalgic pot smokers in the crowd.

oh yea and peter gabriel. he pretty much roolz. they should play the songs that got on the soundtracks to john cusak's movies that didn't suck.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

t-minus 17 days

that's right people, only 17 days until i'm done FOREVER! and it's all setting in, i talked to the student loan people and figured out how much i have to pay every month for the next 25 years (um yea, if there's a financial planner out there who'd like to hook a sistah up with how to make them payments happen AND get a condo sometime in my life, hollah). i have been in the dungeon day and night working on final projects, and i have even made myself a little advent calendar. i don't get chocolate though, i get 10 minutes of reading gossip columns. hey, chocolate rots your guts and gossip rots your brain...pick your poison.

so yes, at the end of this little advent calendar is my "major award" and no, it's not a leg lamp...i already have one of those thanks to christmas and my father, any of you who have stayed in our guest room have most likely used it to illuminate your pre-sleeptime reading.

my major award is this.....i'm going to walk from skool to cleo's on my last day of skool and i will sit there until someone meets me and i will permanently have a glass of wine and some chicken wings. i assume that i will be so whacked out on stress i may try to snort said chicken wings but it may get a little dicey with the bleu cheese dressing and celery.

so if anyone spots a story on the news that night with the headline "girl snorts chicken wings and uses pinot grigio as a chaser" that would be me. and the dood next to me shaking his head and maybe his booty (depending upon what time he gets there) will be skot. we'll be famous on the eener-net. and i'm sure if any of my other friends show up they'll likely have some form of cocktail attached to their hands and maybe a rodeo champ belt buckle.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

call vh-1

cos i'm having the best week ever!

on tuesday i went in to meet with the dean of my university. THE dean, not some associate dean but THE dean (duh duh dddduuuuuhhhhh!). there was a bit of confusion as to whether or not my art history credits from my first university would transfer in thus rendering me as a non-graduating student when my graduation is slated for 21 days from today.

i always wear make-up when i'm nervous. i know the psychological implications and manifestations of wearing make-up and i understand my reasons for wearing it when nervous (note: i am not saying that these same undertones apply to people who wear make-up on a daily basis, i think make-up is really quite lovely....i just don't wear it everyday). needless to say on tuesday i wore make-up to school.

i walked into my 10:30 meeting which the dean was late for due to a meeting. i passed my waiting time talking to my favorite teacher and mentor. he was 100% behind my petition as university of texas is a far better school when it comes to art history education than my current university.

as i walked into my meeting with the dean i had sweaty palms and cotton mouth. i presented her with my booklet i'd prepared explaining to her why i shouldn't have to take these courses over again and why i should graduate as slated.

it turns out her best friend is a teacher in the interior architecture program at the university of texas.

after a lovely 15 minute chat with her about accreditation testing and national certification she'd granted me the credits. i AM graduating in a few short weeks.

und then, i wore make-up again today.

und today i was officially offered a full-time job at one of the top firms in the city with 401k and benefits and a raise and all that other fun stuff that goes along with it.

can i just say i love this week?!

i love this week, and penguins....

Monday, July 25, 2005

eco-challenge

after a very long and very intense night of surprise birthday'ing skot on friday night we woke up saturday to a steamy 90 some-odd degrees. after milling around the apaato for a bit the stomachs started to rumble and the rest of the day was set in motion.

on our walk home from flo i said to skot, "don't you think it would be like some insane mini eco-challenge if we walked to lincoln square today? you know, retchid hangovers, 99% humidity and mid-90's temperatures?"

he looked at me as though i had just farted a leprechaun.

"NO! i think it would be horrible! we would DIE!" was his response. afer much pleading and a promise of chipotle macaroni and cheese once we reached our destination 7 miles away we were off!

it's the same walk we've taken a few handfuls of times. it goes straight up damen to the all magical lincoln square with its bunnies, german apothecaries and bountiful homes for me to dream of someday winning the lottery and owning. there are also official brauhaus' and german beir's a plenty. its like bavaria came to me and i didn't have to gain any weight to visit.

this walk seemed to be a bit more fun than former times. i don't know if it was the heat, the hangover or the combo of both that fostered some intense insanity but we made jokes about ridiculous juvenile things the entire way up, we stopped at the happy food store for some water and dubbed the boring parts the "sahara desert" which holds no humor at all today but at the time it seemed like the most hilarious name ever created.

yea, i definitley think it was a wee bout of insanity. i should do my own urban eco-challenges more often. next stop! EDGEWATER!